Maths jokes and puns

Maths jokes & puns

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?
2. Why do plants hate math?
3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
4. Why was the math book depressed?
5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper?
7. Why was the equal sign so humble?
8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date?
9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
10. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
11. What do you call dudes who love math?
12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics.
13. Why should you never talk to Pi?
14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common?
15. Are monsters good at math?
16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher?
17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?
18. How do you stay warm in any room?
19. Why is six afraid of seven?
20. Why DID seven eat nine?
21. Why does nobody talk to circles?

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Where can we find a MAN like this ?

Where can we find a MAN like this ? puzzle

Speaking to my lady friend this morning,
she tells that she wants to find a male friend with the following attributes:

1) Wakes up at 5am everyday
2) Exercises everyday
3) Makes his own bed
4) Cleans his room
5) Works sincerely
6) Does not touch alcohol
7) Helps in the kitchen
8) Does not indulge in night life
9) Is always punctual
10) Prays daily
11) Reads
12) Hits the bed at 9pm Sharp

Now, you Tell me where can we find a "MAN" like this ?

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Yadi kisi ko pata h to jarur bataye

Yadi kisi ko pata h to jarur bataye

दो बाते aaj तक समझ मे nhi आयी

1:- जिसने पहली बार घडी बनाया उसने समय कैसे मिलाया होगा ⏱⏱

और

2:-जिसने पहली बार दही जमाया वो जोरन कहाँ से लाया होगा🍯🍯

yadi kisi ko pata h to jarur bataye

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Technology Hurts

A wife👩 was calling out for her husband👨 from the kitchen🏠 to help her with the dishes🍛🍝, but did not get a response.
She went looking for him in the bed room and found hubby asleep😌 on his files📕, tired of work.
She walked closer to him, looked at the innocent face😐, played with his hair softly, sweetly and..... *PHATTTAKK 👋 😵✨....slapped his face!!!
The husband got up with a shock and asked what happened??!?!
Then the wife showed him her phone 📱 which showed.... "Last seen on whatsapp 1 minute ago" 😡😂technology HURTS... 😂😂😜😜

Who decides what is Right and Wrong

For all of them who are Fed up of him

After creating this complex world, GOD was worried, who will decide what is RIGHT and what is WRONG ?

So he created ARNAB GOSWAMI.
Arnab Goswami might probably be the only guy in this world to fight with his wife & win
If we could place a mini turbine inside Arnab Goswami's throat, the resultant electricity can power all the Times group building.
Arnab Goswami is inversly proportional to Manmohan Singh
If you find Arnab Goswami's pic with his mouth closed, then that camera has a very good shutter speed.
Arnab Goswami is fluent in English & weak in grammer  becoz he does not use full stop or comma
From the moon you can see the great wall of China and hear Arnab Goswami shouting "The nation wants to know"
Proposed airport near Times Now studio cancelled as noise from newshour could weaken the structure and intercept signals
When Arnab Goswami says "I will speak now" , everyone looks puzzled, wondering who was speaking till now
Whats the similarity between Arnab Goswami & google?
Both interrupt you before you complete the sentence


Proud to be an Indian

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 He Could talk to God.
' O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France ...
In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 Per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read
'One Rupee per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?'
Readers, it is your turn........ Think .....before you scroll down...
.............. ......... ......... .......... ............ ......
.............. .......... ......... ......... .......


The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call'.
This is the only heaven on the Earth.
KEEP SMILING
If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!
Enjoy..
Happy long weekend and Happy Independence day in advance

Salman Khan Movie Kick Jokes

In the climax, Sallu takes off his mask, & it is revealed that Kamaal R Khan is the real hero!

Kick: Salman Khan wears a mask because he is ashamed of his own movie Kick.

Salman Khan wears mask on his face while riding a bicycle, just to escape from police if someone comes under bicycle.

Salman Khan with the mask on in 'Kick' is actually Krissh's kid who got disappeared in the end of the movie Krissh 3.

When it comes to save Environment, always respect Salman Khan, he never waste a single paper on script of movie.

He came, he did nothing, he still conquered.

Humshakkals ka baap #KICK.

Earlier they used to wait for moon to come out, now they wait for the release of Salman Khan's movies to celebrate Eid

Kick movie is a 2 hours 30 minutes advertisement of Suzuki Hayate where Salman Bhai keep saying "Isme Kick hain"

The Film #Kick has nothing to do with Football !

Everyone wondering what happened to the Mask of Zorro - it went to Sallu in Kick.

Why is Salman Bhai A.k.a Devil sabke Piche & Sab unke Piche ? Because he Steals South Indian Movie Scripts for remake !

Kick being promoted by Bhai on Pogo. At least he got the target audience's IQ right.

Kick is a story of a poor man who learns to ride bicycle and defeats Modi's bullet train.

Salman realizes at the very last min that he doesn't even need a bike to beat the train (or mayb he was saving the bike's life)

Kick is the intense struggle of a mask wearing man who struggles to narrowly avoid speeding trains on his cycle.

Instead of going for a salman khan movie donate your money to 3 beggars.

Salman: Main heroine dekhta hu, script nahi.

People if you are going into a Salman movie expecting logic then the joke is on you.

Salman Khan - REMAKES me aata hoon, ORIGINAL me nahi

Salman Bhai leaves his Bike & Steals the Cycle just because of Petrol Price Hike !

*Krishh 3 Behid the Scene* Hrithik Throws away his Mask !
*Kick Start Scene* Salman Bhai Picks up the Mask & Re-Designs it !

I got a reason to tell people why i resign all my good paying jobs. "Woh kya hai na..kaam mai kick nahi aati"

An exclusive genre that is above scrutiny. No matter what critics write, it will earn not less than 200cr.

#KICKDAY ? People celebrating it more than the Independence Day.

KICK is a kick to people who wanted to kick the makers of Kick.

Autowala : Bhai, Taran Adarsh gave 4.5 to Kick. 0.5 is less than 5
Salman : 0.5 is for VAT
Autowala: Bhai aap toh 'Thinker' nikle.

Salman gave review about the movie in the trailer itself 'Dil me aata hoon, samajh me nahi'.

Salman ki movies me story khojne wale ko Janta maaf nahi karegi

Teachers Killer English

Haryana school Teacher's killer English:
1. Pick up the paper n fall in the dust-bin !
2. Both of you three .. stand together separately !
3. Will u hang that calendar or I'll "HANG MYSELF!"
4. Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father !
5. Why are you looking at the monkey outside when I am in the class...?
6. I have TWO daughters: both are girls.
7. Stand in the middle of the corner !
8. The boy behind the last boy, please stand up...!! 

Sabse bada Rupaiya

Mother: Son I'm sorry my husband is not your dad. I had an affair 23 years ago with a man . And that person is your real father."

Son: Mum, what rubbish! How am I to deal with this?

Mother: I am sorry he was my first love and I could not marry him..
'cause we are from different religions. He is on the phone right now and wants to speak with his son, come talk to him."

Son: No I am not speaking to any one. My dad is the only father I know and so will that be."

Mother: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him.

Son: Ok, I will not commit anything.

Phone: Morning Son, I am Mukesh Ambani. I am your real father.

Son: Maa ki Aaaannkkhhh... Dad! Dad! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Thank God!!!!!! Luv u so much Dad!!!! I always knew there was something special about me.. Thank you soooo much mum. You are the best mum in d world!"

Moral:
Na Biwi Na Bachha ; Na Baap Bada Na Bhaiya ; The Whole thing is dat ki bhaiya Sabse Bada Rupaiya..


Bablu Mishra ka wallet

Ek aadmi ne 98.3 FM pe phone kiya
Man : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash. . .ek Credit Card aur bablu Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.
Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge. . ???
Man : Nahi!!
Main chahta hu ki Bablu Mishra ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye...

Height of overconfidence

Height of overconfidence:
There was a meeting of Bihar freedom fighters.
They wanted to free bihar from India.
Ram bhaiya raised a point, "We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?"
Shayam bhaiya had a brainwave. "No problem! We will attack America, we will lose the war & it will take us over. Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically. We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards.

"All the Bhaiyas were happy with this solution but an old bhaiya was not.
Someone asked him:
Why he wasn't happy. The old bhaiya replied, "That's all very well.!
But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America??? " 

Reason for only a few Tigers left

Tiger : Yaar Ye Saale Discovery aur Animal Planet walo ne bhi Pareshan kar k rakha hai..
Monkey - Kyun? Kya hua bhai!
Tiger - Saale raat-din camere lagake baithte hai, Privacy to dete nahi, aur fir bolte hain,
"Only Few Left..Only Few Left."

Characteristics of a true Gujarati


Ek dum superb chhe..!

True and unmistakable characteristics of a true Gujarati:
01. Every autowala, taxiwala, grocerywala is 'Kaka'.
02. Gujju never go to Office, they go to Hoffis.
03. The first rule of money - never use your own.
04. "Su nava juni" is their version of 'wassup'?
05. Be it 7am in the morning or past midnite, gathiyas are always welcome.
06. They keep an "ELARAM" to wake up in the morning.
07. No party is over without a round of GARBA.
08. They call all types of noodles "Meggi"!
09. When someone asks about a person, Gujju says GENTLEMAN MANAS chhey.
10. They have a PhD in bargaining by birth.
11. They can speak any language of the world in Gujarati.
12. Gujju don't have feelings, they have FILLINGS.
13. Jai Shri Krishna = Hello and Good Bye.
14. All their conversations begin with kem chhe, maja ma ne, and end with: "Koyi saaru investment batavo ne..."
15. Gujju shout their guts out on international calls, thinking they can hear them better that way.
16. Swimming is not for them - They call it 'chhab-chhabia'.
17. For them Electricity never goes - only Light does.
18. Gujju don't call people, they COAL them.
19. Sensex interests more than anything.
20. Chhas is their Beer.
21. They are everywhere, all over the globe - deal with it.
22. Gujju go to movie HOLE and take outside SNAKES for refreshments.
23. Mount Abu is their Switzerland.
24. If a Gujju starts Koffee with Karan, he would name it "Chhas with Chhagan".
25. A true Gujju looks forward to eat Thai, Mexican, Italian, Chinese, chaat and Undhiyu at the cousin's wedding.
26. At least 50% of the contacts in the phone book end with the word BHAI.
27. Being Punjabi means more chapati, less rice; being Mallu means less chapati, more rice.
Being Gujju - just eat more yaar, 'shu farak pade chhe?'
28. Gujjus believe Narendra Modi is the solution for everything - from Fashion style to Nation's progress.
29. Vile Parle and New Jersey feels like home - Apduj chhe.
30. They will spend 1000 rupees for a 10 rupee free gift, free ma malle, etle maja aavi jai.
31. They eat home made theplas with chhundo and athanu on business class flight.
32. Gujju can do Garba on any song in the world.
33. Falguni Pathak is Britney Spears for them.
34. After having chaat, bhelpuri, sevpuri, Gujju makes sure they ask for extra puri and then a discount.
35. Order soup 1 by 2, you get more quantity - be smart.
36. If it is beeg (big), edible and free, go on dude, eat it.
37. Mumbai + Gujarat + London + Amerika = Whole world. Nothing else exists for them.
38. Everyone is invited to a Gujju home for lunch, and fed like you have come from the groom's side.
39. If all of a sudden you hear a dhoom machale ringtone or a loud scream or a loud chit chat amongst a group, immediately assume that you are amidst Gujjus.
40. Hindi humko 'jara bhi nahi faata hai'.
41. Age 15 or 50, your parents will always refer to you as their 'baby' or 'babo'.
42. KEDBURY is the generic name for chocolate.
43. Gujju take the constitution very seriously, everyone is called Bhai and Ben.
44. If you do not go for Navratri, you didn't exist.
45. All own Reliance collectively.
46. Dandiya is their Prom.
47. You pack according to a 5N/6D holiday when going for a one day picnic.
48. Time spent at a party - Dancing (10 minutes) Chitchat (10 minutes) Dinner (100 minutes)
49. Gujju get tired after walk of 15 minutes and play dandia for 5 hours.
50. A true Gujju will definitely forward this..

Dedicated to all Gujjus..!
This is for all of my Gujju friends 

Concept explained Scientifically

I don't think I've ever heard a concept explained scientifically better than this...😎

"Well you see, it's like this...

A herd of buffalos can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo? 🐃🐃🐃

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. 🐃🐃🐃🐅

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only work as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Now, as we know,excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells.

But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.🌐

And that, my dear friend, is why you always feel smarter after a few drinks.😇😎 NB
For more such jokes visit : http://www.desijokes.co.in

Male Logic

MALE LOGIC
Woman:
Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman:
How many beers a day?
Man:
Usually about 3
Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?
Man:
About 20 years, I suppose
Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man:
Correct
Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man:
Do you drink beer?
Woman:
No
Man:
Where's your Ferrari?


John , Keith and the Widow

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible  blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the  attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and  settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the  house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your  name?'
Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me an estate of 50 million dollars.'
And you thought the ending would be different, didnt you?

Latest Collection of Suarez Jokes

Some Of Latest Collection Of Suarez-
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Mom: Happy birthday beta.
Suarez: Thanks ma.
Mom: Cake kaato.
Suarez: Haan.
Mom: Arrey beta chakku se.
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Had Luis Suarez been an engineering student, which Indian college
was he likely to be found in?
- BITS Pilani.
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Suarez ke Talent Ki Daant Deni Hogi..
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Generally In Other Sports We Have a Nail-Biting Finish..
Soccer is Different !!
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If Suarez was from Bihar , What would his mother call him ?
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'Bitwa'
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Luis Suarez ka favorite application?
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BitTorrent.
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And Last And Best One -
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Suarez to girl - " Do u believe in love at first bite?"

Crash landing on a mysterious Island

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia to celebrate their anniversary
when suddenly, over the PA system, the Pilot announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued as it is a totally unknown island. So we may have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later after deep thought, Rajiv turns to his wife and
still shaken from the crash landing, asks "Mona, have we paid our Credit Card dues yet?"
"Oh, No! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,"
"And Did you send cheque for the auto loan this month?" he asks.
"Oh! Forgive me, Rajiv," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 20 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why are you kissing me?"
Rajiv : "We are Saved! ICICI BANK will find us!"

The briefcase and the miniskirt

The briefcase and the miniskirt
Different nationalities, different reactions,
different consequences...

Tokyo, Japan
A man was walking past a young girl, when a jagged edge of his briefcase accidentally tore her mini skirt.
Before the man could apologize, the girl bowed deeply, and said,"I humbly apologize for this error. The quality of my skirt is not good."
Then she took out a pin, put the skirt back together and left.

New York, USA
Before the man could react, the woman pulled out a business card and gave it to him saying,
"This is my lawyer's card. He will contact you about this sexual harassment matter. See you in court, buddy!"
London, England
Before the man could react, the girl quickly covered the torn spot with a newspaper, and said with a blush on her face,
"Do you mind taking me home, sir? I live not far away."
The Englishman took his jacket off, put it on her, called a cab and took her home safely.

Paris, France
Before the man could react, the girl murmured with a smile,"A red rose can best convey your apology, monsieur."
The Frenchman bought her a rose, and then they went to a nearby cafe, drank some wine, and retired to a discreet little hotel for the rest of the afternoon.
Sydney, Australia
Before the man could apologize, the girl turned around, took out a hunting knife, ripped the side of his trousers and said; "OK, now we're even, mate", and then they both went off to down a few pints of amber nectar together.
Shanghai, China
Before the man could say anything, the police came and took him away to labour camp

New Delhi, India
Before the man could apologize, Arnab Goswami was on Times Now TV, yelling, "Times Now is the first TV channel to bring you this outrageous event. This is a Times Now exclusive. We assure you, we shall track this sordid story to the very end. The nation is watching ! The PM must answer !"

One Line Humour

One Line Humor...
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it..